Not a cry for help.

 

Every butt of cigarettes

burns to ashes to a pile of regrets

Every wheezing cough

all of the sooty phlegm spat through

 

Every empty heroin syringe

shook like a tremor of withdrawal

Every itch of euphoria that I binge

scratched away, scars big or small

 

Every drop of alcohol

coursing nerves of DTs

Like the vomit of pain

Suppressed, depressed through my vein

 

Every breath I take

Life slowly slipping away

All the antidepressants in vain

Causing chaos in my brain

 

Every wish to kill

The one who makes me suffer

Breaks my own bones

As it is I, causing pain don’t beg to differ

 

Carry on like I’m here

Rather not like I feel nowhere

In my own silence

I feed my own violence

 

Good night I say to myself

Yet disappointed at every good morning

Ending peacefully was not a choice

Never given nor had

 

Eternity is no stranger

Thoughts with increasing danger

Hope nearing death on which I put my wager

ECG flatline sounds to my ears of a pager

 

My call has come

I take your leave

I hope not to wake up

As I am to all, nothing but a hiccup

This is no cry for help mind you

I only wish to leave behind my suffering

A token for remembering me through

I see no light at the tunnel but I wish it ending.